I go by the name of Wesseling Aisyah( for short)
17 turning on 18
Mix of dutch and malay and more
24 June 1990
Self employed writer :D

layout: detonatedlove

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WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEL INADEQUATE ?
Can't you just be happy for me that i got into the course. No!! Instead you keep reminding me of how i did not get into mass communications because i did not appeal or i did not apply through the interview. Its always somthing with you. I always hear, you should have done this...you should have done that.
I hardly hear the words i want to hear like.. Good for You or I am sure the course will be great or something nice to show that you are satisfied but NOOO!! Instead i get answers which only tear up my self esteem and make me feel inadequate and inefficient.
You want the best for me..I know.
But do you have to put me down so much...is that the best for me MOM??

And even as i explain to you about my plans. you have this distant look in your eyes..a look that is not very comforting to me. I cannot confront you about this because i know i will only end up getting scolded for being so defensive.

BUT what pisses me off most of all is that one line you said to me.
" Aisyah, now you know, for the next few years, you must put aside your vanity and study hard. Know your priorities"
WTH!!
PUT ASIDE MY VAINITY!!
When have i been anything but vain. Have i not always said to you : Studies first, Love( boyfriend ) later. Have i not produced satisfying results, i dare say, excellent results and here you come with this bullshit aboout me being vain. Do you know me at all ?

Do you know how much that hurt when it came from you..sometimes i wonder if Papa is the only one who is ever really happy for me. Just that one line did it...i could no longer stand in your presence..i had to escape, i had to run away so you would not see me breakdown..i had to call Papa for some comforting words.

Even as i type this, i can still feel the hurt barrowing down deep in me. Sometimes you just say the wrong things.
I love you deeply, truly but this has to be the worst blow you have ever dealt to me.
I may put on a strong face and smile but deep down, yoou have left a permanant scar.